


Everything I Need

by aimless38



Category: GetBackers
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, First Time, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Threats of Rape/Non-Con
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-24
Updated: 2015-07-24
Packaged: 2018-04-10 23:08:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 22,398
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4411445
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aimless38/pseuds/aimless38
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ban makes a decision to leave Ginji behind.  Akabane couldn't be happier with Ban's choice. Featuring Ban & Ginji with appearances by Shido and Akabane</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

It had been my decision to leave. With his huge golden brown eyes, Ginji watched as we drove far away from the city he grew up in, away from all of our friends. I felt terrible, who wouldn’t? But this town was no longer the haven it had once been. Not with the shadow of the limitless fortress looming over us. After our last almost disastrous foray into that maze I vowed the place would never get its hooks in Ginji ever again. For Ginji to turn into the lightning emperor would irretrievably change him forever. He would revert back to the cold, ruthless and powerful ruler of the Volts.

 

That place had an invisible hold on my best friend that only time and distance could break. Often Ginji would disappear and I would find him on a nearby rooftop staring at its imposing shadow. Ginji would sit there with his arms wrapped around his knees brooding. Truthfully, it scared me to see the changes being wrought in him. The blond idiot was usually so carefree and cheerful. He was acting like… well…me, dammit! One morose worrywart was enough for this partnership. I had to uproot Ginji and take him elsewhere so we could start fresh on a new life.

 

I was apprehensive about the whole thing and felt horribly guilty on the day we were to leave. All his friends had gathered at the Honky Tonk to give us quite a sendoff. Later when Ginji got into the car after hugging everyone goodbye it was hard to miss the dejected slump to his shoulders.

 

I started my beloved Bug and pulled away from the curb. It surprised me when Ginji slid over onto the middle of the seat. I glanced at him, only to find trusting amber colored eyes staring into mine.

 

A fierce wave of protectiveness washed through me and I actually smiled reassuringly at him. Yes… I did know how to smile and no my face didn’t crack. Shido would have been shocked. It was worth it though, as a radiant smile bloomed on Ginji’s guileless face. He sighed and softly said my name, tucking his arm around mine. Then he laid his head on my shoulder. I felt an unfamiliar tightening in my chest and the desire to keep him near me and safe intensified.

 

I was not familiar with this feeling. Instead of calling him and idiot and shoving Ginji over to his side of the car, I patted his hand and enjoyed the comforting warmth of him sitting so close. I didn’t know where we were heading or what we would do when we got there. Right now though, everything we owned was packed into the little car and more importantly sitting right here next to me.

 

At least leaving had been a good idea until fate once more kicked us in the ass.

 

We had been getting small retrieval jobs here and there. Nothing spectacular but enough to live on. I even managed to get us a tiny apartment. Eating regular was a bonus too. Ginji seemed to be doing well but there were still odd moments where I would catch him staring off into the distance seemingly in a world all his own. I guess his experiences changed him a bit…like they changed us all. Still there were moments when I missed the hyper, annoying pest Ginji used to be.

 

Some things never change though.

 

We are fate’s bitch, and a dry spell coupled with a string of bad luck, ended with us living once more in my car. The last job was a total fiasco. We were hired to get back a pouch of precious stones that had been stolen from a gem dealer. We traced the sale of the rocks to a rival and had to stake the buyer out until the thief showed up with the goods. Sounds simple, but it was far from it. In order to get close enough to the drop point we had to hide in a freaking tree for hours in the pouring rain. The buyer was holed up as snug as you please in his car. By the time the perp showed up, the temperature had dropped so much I could see my breath. Freezing and miserable we waited for our chance to nab the gems.

 

Much to our surprise the thief turned out to be the victim’s brother. Before we could even step in the original owner of the rocks showed up and confronted his sticky fingered relative. Apparently his sister in law had squealed on her husband and the client did not even bother to tell us. He got his stones back, the buyer fled and the brother got the crap kicked out of him and disowned. We got paid jack shit because the client claimed we didn’t do our job.

 

I wanted to pound the guy into the pavement but a shivering and miserable Ginji pulled me away. I sniped and berated him all the way back to the car. His head sank lower and lower with each insult. He was sniffling by the time we climbed into the Bug and managed to change clothes. I was still so pissed that I did not even see his teary eyes as they regarded me sadly. I lit a much needed cigarette and glanced in the mostly empty pack. Fuck. We had only twenty dollars to our name and I needed cigs. I turned to Ginji and was impaled by his soulful eyes.

 

Why did it make me feel horribly guilty? Had I treated Ginji any differently than I normally did? His tear filled gaze pinned me to my seat like a bug on a board.

 

“I…I’m sorry Ban-chan.” His voice wavered and I rolled my eyes. Getting angry was easier than examining the unfamiliar feelings I was experiencing - the ones where I didn’t want to disappoint him. I had the sudden urge to wrap him up in my arms and it scared the hell out of me.

 

“Look. Just shut up, ok? It wasn’t your fault or my fault. It’s our fucked up luck. I need some cigs. Sit there and try not to bug me. I need to think.” I tried not to feel like a total ass when Ginji retreated to the far side of the car and turned his face to the window. Somehow I failed miserably.

 

I ignored the occasional muffled sniffle as I drove to a nearby convenience store. Ginji did not look at me as I got out of the car, nor did he beg for a snack. God, I felt like such a heel. I wanted that cheerful, energetic blond back, with his silly voice and clingy personality. This kicked puppy version of my partner was messing with me big time. It was awakening urges in me that should just stay buried.

 

My relationships did not end well. The last serious one I was in I ended up killing the guy because he begged me to. How fucked up was that? I had the occasional fling but felt nothing after the heat of the moment died out.

 

The Ginji of the past was goofy, innocently childlike and more importantly, safe from me. This wounded, quiet, and moody blond in the car made me want to do things that one does not do to a friend.

 

I slammed the car door harder than I meant to and stalked into the store. I picked up my much needed nicotine first and had enough money left over for a couple of bottles of juice and some microwave sandwiches. At least we’d eat tonight. It had started to rain harder as I sprinted for the car. I tore open the door and leapt inside.

 

I did not see Ginji in the front seat and momentarily panicked. The thought of being alone was worse than putting up with his eccentricities. I depended on him to keep me human. I was about to go back out in the rain to look for the idiot when I heard a muted sneeze from the backseat. Relief flooded through me and I did not know if I wanted to shake Ginji until his teeth rattled or kiss him within an inch of his life. My eyes widened at the thought…kiss Ginji? Where the hell had that come from?

 

“I got you some juice and a sandwich. Enjoy. It was the last of the money,” I barked at Ginji and tossed the bag in the back seat. I really didn’t intend to be harsh with him but I had to cover up what I might have blurted out otherwise. I drove a couple blocks to a public park and stopped the car near the restrooms.

 

I heard the snap of the bottle cap and the rustle of a plastic wrapper. I concentrated on my own meager dinner and then cracked the window and lit a cig. I smoked in silence and the lack of conversation was starting to get on my nerves. It was worse then his constant chatter. I tried to get him to talk to me but after several mumbled replies I gave up all together.

 

I tossed my trash to the floor and scooted over to the passenger seat. I turned around and looked at the blanket covered lump in the backseat. It was no use trying to carry on this uncomfortable silence. I might as well get some shut eye. I grabbed my own blanket from the back and reclined my seat. I was freaking tired, and despite feeling more unnerved then ever, I soon fell asleep to the sound of the rain drumming steadily on the roof of the car.

 

An unfamiliar noise woke me and blearily I blinked several times to clear away the fog and groaned. I hated sleeping in the car and tried to stretch my sore legs. It was barely light in the car and judging by the grayish cast to the gloom outside it must have been about dawn. I heard the noise again. It was a small whimpering voice.

 

“No, don’t leave me… I don’t want to be alone." The voice from the back seat grew more agitated. "Please Ban…stay with me. I can’t… I can’t. Its dark… where are you? Ban? Ban?”

Ginji was having a nightmare and I couldn't listen to his frightened and plaintive cries. It would have taken a harder heart than mine to ignore him.

 

Ginji had kicked his blanket off onto the floor and was clawing at the seat as if to pull himself out of the disturbing dream. With a heavy sigh I climbed over the seat and cursed as I almost busted a nut on the gear shift. It really sucked to have to live out of my car. I’d gotten spoiled by that apartment we’d shared and my nice cozy bed. These dreams with the familiar theme of me leaving the irritating blond were happening more frequently since that mission at the fortress.

 

The only way to calm Ginji down was to let him latch onto me. All I had to do was get close and his seeking hands would grab and hold me tight. Usually I just put up with the annoyance but considering where my thoughts had been straying lately, this might prove to be a dangerous decision. I really had no choice though because if the dream became too real Ginji might spark and blow me and the car to kingdom come. I could smell the slight tang of ozone as his powers woke. Shit!

 

This was not good. I had about thirty seconds to calm the idiot down. I grabbed him and slid onto the seat, propping him up in my lap. My arms were around Ginji’s shoulders and his head was tucked under my chin.

 

“Ginji…shhhh. It’s all right. I’m right here. Just relax. I’m not going anywhere.” I repeated this over and over until he whimpered and fisted his hands in my shirt. My hands wandered in soothing circles on his back and I rubbed my chin in the soft hair on the crown of his head.

 

I was also acutely aware of his long lean body where it lay against mine. Oh this was not good. Now was not the time to get turned on by his proximity. My body though betrayed me by perking up and taking notice of his ass pressed to my groin. His restless squirming was not helping matters any.

 

“C’mon Ginji, snap out of it," I murmured somewhat desperately. His warm breath ticked my neck and I shuddered a bit at the sensation. "Have some pity for your old Ban-chan.”

 

Damn, it had been too long since I’d last been laid. It was a lame excuse and I knew deep down that this went beyond horny. That’s the part that scared me spitless. I nearly forgot to breathe as his eyes fluttered open and his warm honey hued eyes blinked at me sleepily. He raised his head a little and my heart threatened to beat right out of my chest. Ginji’s lips were parted slightly and only inches from mine. I wanted so badly to close the distance.

 

“Ban-chan? Wha? What’s going on?” His confused voice just made me want to hold him tighter. Shido would laugh his ass off at my romantic notions. I was uncomfortably warm in the cramped quarters of the back seat. I also prayed Ginji did not notice the boner I was sporting and desperately trying to ignore.

 

“You had a nightmare Ginji. I had to wake you up before you fried the car. You’re safe now, so try and go back to sleep ok?” As soon as I got him settled down I began to retreat to the front seat, or maybe I'd decide to take a jog in the cold rain.

 

“I’m cold, Ban. Why is it so cold in here?”

 

I felt him shiver and narrowed my eyes. If anything, it was like an oven in here. Then I realized that the heat I felt was pouring off of him. I pressed my cheek against his forehead and it was scorching hot. He then coughed a little and it sounded raspy and wet. Fuck! It was a terrible time for him to get sick. We were so far away from all our friends and our cell phones had been shut off because I’d missed one too many bills.

 

“It’s ok Ginji, you’re just getting a little head cold. Lie back and I’ll cover you up." I covered him back up and he huddled miserably under the blanket. I grabbed mine from the front seat and added it to the pile along with my coat. "I’ve got some aspirin in the glove box and I’ll get you a cool cloth for your head.” (rearranged)

 

“Throat hurts," Ginji whined from his makeshift bed. "And my head aches Ban.”

 

“I know, Gin. But lie here and let me take care of everything.” I patted his damp hair and got out of the car. Grabbing his empty juice bottle and a small hand towel from my bag, I dashed into the bathroom. I filled the bottle with cool water and wet the towel in the sink.

 

I really regretted buying the cigarettes now since that left me with no money to buy him some medicine. The aspirin would have to do and I just had to hope he did not get any worse. At least the rain had let up, but it was getting colder. The Bug had nearly a full tank of gas and I could run the heater for short stretches of time to at least keep the car at a decent temperature.

 

Ginji was a shivering lump in the backseat when I got into the car. I made him sit up and take the pain killers with some of the water. He meekly submitted and then slumped back against the seat.

 

“Try and rest Ginji. I’ll figure out something.” My partner shifted restlessly and took a deep raspy breath.

 

“Can’t Ban…chest hurts.” Ginji’s hands clutched the blankets around his thin shoulders and I realized that things were going to have to change.

 

This was not the kind of life he needed to live. I resolved that once he was better I’d drop him off at Shido and Madoka’s place and strike off on my own. That way he’d have a roof over his head and three square meals a day. They’d take care of him and I’d be free to go where I wanted without being weighed down by responsibility. I tried to convince myself it was really the best thing to do but the thought of leaving him made me sick to my stomach. A coughing fit brought my attention back to my ill partner.

 

“Here Gin, try and drink some more water. You also need to get some sleep.” Ginji drank the rest of the cool liquid and I placed a dampened cloth on his forehead. His face was flushed and I hoped the aspirin would keep his temperature from rising even higher. I tucked all the blankets and coats tightly around him and started to climb back into the front seat.

 

“Stay, Ban. Don’t leave me.” It was an echo of what he had piteously cried out in the dream. Ginji’s hand grabbed my arm and he tugged slightly.

 

“Alright, Ginji. I’ll stay." I settled down next to him again in the cramped back seat. Since he was still shivering, I lifted the covers and slid in close to him. The car was getting colder and I’d have to think of something real quick.

 

“Warm… feels good Ban-chan,” he murmured softly against my neck. Ginji wrapped his arms around my waist and settled his head on my chest.

 

There it was again - that overwhelming feeling of rightness. I was too tired to fight it. Ginji was drifting off to sleep and that was the best thing for him. Even as uncomfortable as I was wedged into the small back seat I was unwilling to disturb him. Even I had to admit it, was nice to hold someone once in a while. I fell asleep listening to Ginji’s raspy breath in my ear.

 

It was quite the rude awakening to be suddenly head butted in the chin so hard that I saw stars. That fucking hurt. Then I managed to dodge a wild swing of Ginji’s arm. The blankets were once more on the floorboard and I was freezing my ass off. Not so with my partner. He was even hotter then before and beginning to flail wildly. I nearly panicked as the hair on my arms rose up and the air around us started to crackle.

 

A delirious Ginji was a very dangerous Ginji.

 

“Ginji! Wake up! Fuck!" I yelled as I shook him roughly. "Stop hitting me!” I could feel the tingle of electricity running under his skin. I had to do something quick. I took a deep breath and even though I hated hurting him I slapped Ginji hard in the face. His eyes snapped open and they were fever bright and more than a bit unfocused.

 

“B…Ban-chan?” He sounded so unsure and I don’t think he realized where he was.

 

“It’s okay, Ginji. I’m going to get you somewhere warm and into a real bed. Just lie back down, okay?”

 

He coughed again and I winced. He did as I asked though and I climbed into the front seat. I had no choice I had to get Ginji to a hotel where I could treat him properly. I needed to get some medicine for the cough and his fever.

 

We were broke but I had a few items that could be pawned. Items that Ginji didn’t even know I had. Heirlooms you might say, given to me by a harsh cruel woman. But they were my only legacy. For my partner I’d give them up.

 

It was easy enough to find an all night pawn shop and I dug a small black box out of my duffle bag. Inside was a heavy white gold ring in the shape of a coiled serpent. It had faceted sapphire eyes that nearly matched my own. I also had a matching pendant of the same snake but it was curled around a gold disc and inscribed with runes that only my family could decipher.

 

I took out the ring and left the necklace in the box. I could not have the pendant falling into the wrong hands. It contained the secret language of my gypsy heritage.Reluctantly, I placed the ring on the counter and glared at the old man as he took out his jeweler’s loupe.

 

It was amazing that I managed to get a decent price and I counted the cash as I left the shop. It felt like I had sold a piece of my soul but I’d done what I had to do.

 

Now to find a halfway reputable hotel. I could hear Ginji fretfully moaning in delirium as I got back in the car. Thankfully, it did not take long to find a place. I registered and asked for a quiet room at the far end of the complex. It was mid-week so the place was pretty deserted as I drove around the back of the hotel.

 

I grabbed the key and carried Ginji into the room. As hotels went, it wasn’t fancy but the place was clean. It had two double beds, a small table and chairs, a standard bathroom with a tub/shower combination and a mini fridge tucked under the counter.

 

I laid Ginji on the bed and went back out for our bags. He had curled into a miserable ball on the mattress by the time I came back inside. I had to roll him over so I could get him out of his sweat soaked clothes. I was grateful this place also had a small laundry only several doors down from us.

 

I tried not to admire Ginji as I stripped my best friend of his clothing. He had lost some weight but he was leanly built with the right amount of muscle. His skin was golden but pale, and glistening with sweat. I was not proud of the fact that I stood staring at his nearly naked body.

 

"Ban? Where are we?” Ginji tried to sit up and looked at me confused.

 

Thank goodness he was too sick to realize I'd been gawking. I didn't want to admit that I was drawn to his current state of vulnerability. Deep down, hidden away, was even a part of me that would have taken him right then. But I did not live by base urge alone. I ever had sex Ginji I wanted him to be fully aware of what was happening and I needed him to want me as well.

 

There. I’d finally acknowledged my wishes, those irritating feelings I’d been hiding from for months. It was inevitable I suppose. I’d never stayed with someone as long as I had with this ditzy blond.

 

“You’re sick Gin." I threw the covers back on the bed and helped Ginji get under them. I even added the covers from the other bed. "I’m going to run out and buy you some better medicine.”

 

“Don’t leave me!” Ginji grabbed onto my shirt and hung on tightly.

 

“I have to go. I’ll be right back I promise. Here, I’ll get you some ice water and turn on the radio.” I hurried to the ice machine and filled the little bucket. When I returned Ginji was huddled under the covers with only the top of his bright blond head visible.

 

I made Ginji drink more water and made sure he was covered. I turned on the radio and all I could get was static. My partner’s abilities were messing with the receiver. I told him again I was leaving to get what we needed and had to reassure him I would be back. I just hoped he didn’t panic while I was gone.

 

I think I broke several speed records finding a grocery store. I bought food and the medicine I’d need and replenished our toiletries. Then I bought a small warming plate to heat soup. I even included some plastic bags to put ice in to try and bring down his fever. There was no way I’d risk a hospital. If he let loose in there he could short the place out or get picked up to be dissected for his abilities.

 

I made it back in record time and was thankful I’d encountered no cops or other obstacles. I unlocked the door and nearly dropped the groceries when I went inside. Ginji was thrashing around on the bed and the room was fairly vibrating with unreleased power. I flung myself on the bed, heedless of my own safety, and could feel electricity crawling across my skin like a million ants.

 

I held him down until the tremors ceased and Ginji fell back against the bed limp and gasping. I had to get his temperature down and normally a tub full of cool water would do the trick. Mixing water with electricity was suicidal at this point. I was glad I’d had the foresight to get the plastic bags. I ran to the ice machine and filled them full and packed them around Ginji’s body.

 

I also had to try and get the medicine into him. Luckily, I’d picked up liquid form and now all I had to do was force him to drink it. Ginji was clearly out of it and lost in his fever dreams. It was a catch-22 since it was going to take both my hands to hold his arms down.

 

I literally had to sit on Ginji to keep him still. There was only one option open to me to force the medicine in his mouth. I had to shake my head. It was a hell of a way to get a first kiss.

 

I briefly let go of his left arm and had to duck a wild swing as I took a healthy swig of the cough syrup. Gagging a little at the bitter taste I once more restrained his arms and slammed my mouth down over his. Ginji instinctively gasped and I forced the liquid in his mouth. I kept my lips sealed over his so He’d have to swallow. And sue me, but I enjoyed it.

 

Ginji’s struggles and slight moan shot a bolt of heat right to my crotch. I had to get this over with quick. I repeated my actions for the fever reducer. If I held my mouth over his for far longer than necessary, well I considered it payback for nursing his sorry ass.

 

Before I could pull my lips away and sit up Ginji’s eyes snapped open and he frowned at me. His body went still under mine and his arms quit trying to knock my block off. I gentled my grip and took advantage of the situation. I couldn’t help myself. Call me evil, but this temptation was too good to pass up.

 

I nudged his lips open further with my tongue and he made a surprised little squawk. I half expected him to bite me but when he relaxed more against me and shyly moved his tongue to caress mine my brain melted. I did not expect this reaction at all. I wasn’t sure if it was because he was ill or because this was something he wanted too. Right now I didn’t care because I didn’t know when I’d get a second taste.

 

I really wasn’t worried about getting sick either. We’d been in such close proximity that either I’d shrug it off due to my strong resistance or I’d get sick too. I really didn’t give a damn.

 

His mouth was so hot. His tongue was tangling with mine and I wished I could take this even further. Even I’m not that much of a bastard, since Ginji might not even remember this at all. He might just think it was some fever driven fantasy.

 

Reluctantly, I pulled away and our lips parted with a small sucking sound. My body was screaming at me to take him, despite my reservations. I really needed to move, then perhaps take a very cold shower.

 

I sat back and retreated to the end of the bed.

 

“Ban?" His confused eyes bore into mine and I looked at the floor. "Why? Why did you kiss me?”

 

“I dunno, Gin. You were irresistible I suppose.” God, that was a lame answer. I was such a freaking coward.

 

“You…you.” He paused to cough. “You like me like that Ban-chan?” His innocent question made my groin tighten.

 

“Yeah, I like you like that, Gin." I got up and really needed to have some private time in the bathroom with my right hand. "Now try and get some sleep. We’ll talk more later.”

 

“Ban… wait. Don’t go. I’m cold. I don’t like this.” Ginji whined and I rolled my eyes. He was like a two year old when he was sick. I guess I can’t blame him. I don’t ever recall him being this sick. It’s just that over the last month, with no regular meals and sleeping in the car, he got run down and then it was easy for him to become ill. I promised Shido and Kazuki that I’d take care of him. I guess I really fucked that up.

 

“Gin, come on. You need the ice to get your fever down. You’ll feel better once the medicine starts to work.” His still unfocused eyes were really getting to me. I had to leave for a moment.

 

“Would you… would you lay down here with me Ban-chan?” There it was… such an innocent plea. Did he realize what kind of a state I was in?

 

“Ginji…That wouldn’t be wise right now. I’ll be right here in the other bed if you need me.” After I took care of a certain problem that is.

 

“Ban-chan, I know you want me. I know what that means. I’m sorry I can’t.” His voice drifted lower as he struggled to stay awake. “Just hold me ok? I need to know you’re close. I need you to keep the monsters away.”

 

My heart dropped into my shoes when Ginji said he couldn’t be with me like that. It had gotten totally weird and awkward. I was horny as hell and half in love with my partner and he was telling me he just wanted to be friends. Why couldn’t he have stayed delirious and allowed me my fantasy a bit longer?

 

I would give in though… I always did. If he wanted a bed partner to cuddle with in a strictly platonic way well then that’s what I’d do. Despite my raging hard on which I really needed to take care of.

 

I also understood the 'monsters' he spoke of and one of them was named Akabane. That was one of the reasons Ginji could not be left alone…ever. That psychopath wanted to make Ginji into his pet. It would happen over my dead body.

 

“Sure, Ginji. Just let me change into my sweats. I’ll be right back.” I brushed my hand against his forehead and he smiled at me. It was still frightfully hot but I hoped the medicine would do some good.

 

I decided to take a quick shower so I stripped and adjusted the water and stepped in with a sigh as the hot water pounded down an my skin. What occurred next was the fastest wank job in history. It was not so much done for pleasure as releasing a pent up need. I could not help whispering Ginji’s name as I came. The water washed away the evidence of my actions and I felt dirty and unsatisfied. But I couldn’t sulk in here forever and I hastily washed and rinsed. I got out and roughly towel dried my hair until it stood out wildly all over. One of the hazards of having an electric wielding partner. The static electricity that he constantly generated was hell on my hair. After the rest of me was dry I dressed in my sweatpants and a white t-shirt. I opened the bathroom door and hoped he’d be asleep so I could retreat to the other bed.

 

No such luck. Ginji was staring right at me as I entered the room. He smiled at me slightly befuddled and I sighed and got into bed with him. I removed the icepacks since his fever seemed to be a tad bit less. He immediately snuggled up to me and fell asleep. Ginji squirmed around until he was draped over my chest and one of his thighs was rubbing my crotch. I bit my lip and prayed for sleep.

 

The night was a long one. Twice more Ginji’s fever spiked and I had to pack ice around him again. He also had one more terrifying convulsion where his eyes rolled back in his head and I swear he was moments from blowing the place sky high. Somehow I managed to calm him down and force more medicine in him. By morning I was a wrung out, miserably horny wreck.

 

I spent the entire next day spooning soup into Ginji, despite his cranky protests. I listened to his wracking cough and hoped it would not turn into pneumonia. I helped him to and from the bathroom and changed beds once because it stank of the sweat that poured off his body. Finally around mid-night on the second night his fever broke. He had another episode where he arched off the bed and I was seconds away from calling an ambulance, consequences be damned. But his body relaxed and he fell into a deep dreamless sleep. His forehead was sweaty but cool so I joined him on the bed, exhausted beyond words.

 

I also had a lot of time to think about how he came to be in this situation. When I woke, things were going to change. I knew that giving him up was probably the best thing I could do for him at this point. The pain in my chest made me feel as if I was going to die but I vowed I’d swallow my pride and call Shido in the morning. He would care for Ginji far better than I could. At least the mansion he shared with Madoka had plenty of room and was far from the shadow of the limitless fortress. I was too tired for these regrets to keep me awake and fell asleep with a heavy heart.

 

Ginji was still sleeping peacefully when I made the call. Shido was infuriatingly smug as usual and I took his derisive laughter in stride as I got reamed for taking such poor care of his friend. I know Ginji is an adult, but he is truly incapable of taking care of himself. He is too sweet and trusting and would fall victim to all sorts of calamities if left alone. I asked Shido to come and get Gin. Before Shido could yell at me for abandoning my partner I hung up the phone.

 

I know I was breaking my promise to Ginji but I couldn’t stay. As much as I’d like to believe we could just stay friends I knew it would never work. I wanted him too badly and I knew if I forced myself on him, Ginji would give in. Not because he wanted to but because he would not want to disappoint me. If that happened I couldn’t live with myself. So better to make a clean break of it and leave. It would take Shido about two hours to get to the hotel, and that was plenty of time to be far away when he showed up.

 

I looked down at Ginji’s sleeping form and lightly brushed my lips against his. Then, I stood up and gathered my things, heading towards the door.

 

“Have a good life, kiddo. I’ll miss you Gin. You’re better off without me though.” Before my resolve could crumble I left and did not have the courage to look back as I got into my car and drove away.


	2. Chapter 2

A month… it had been a month since I abandoned Ginji in that motel room. I had to keep telling myself that he was better off. I had nothing to offer him but some misplaced affection and sappy sentiment. It was a fucking lie but at least if I kept lying to myself I might start to believe it.

 

I’d managed to find work too. Bodyguard type stuff and other retrieval jobs that I did not bother examining too closely. Without Ginji by my side, ethics did not come into the picture. Oh don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t hurting anyone innocent. Just scum needing to be protected from other scum. While the jobs were morally demeaning, they paid well and I found myself with more cash than I’d seen in years.

 

I just couldn't figure out why I felt so dirty. Every time I took their money, I had a flush of shame, knowing that Ginji would not have approved.

 

When I wasn't working, I drowned my sorrows in any convenient dive. The seedier the better because on most nights I was spoiling for a fight. It was how I coped and it was far better than drinking alone in the small apartment I used just to sleep in. Sure I could have afforded better but why? It had a bed, small kitchen and a bathroom. What else did I need? Well if I was totally honest with myself, I’d say I needed an irritating blond by the name of Amano Ginji.

 

His sweet smile and boyish face haunted my dreams. Then I’d think of how I let him down over and over again. I knew he was better off without me.

 

I soon got a reputation in most places as a bad ass and the denizens of the rundown bars I frequented made a wide berth around me. I was bored and for the moment between jobs. There was nothing to do with my time but brood, something I had became exceedingly good at. I was always careful not to drink too much and let my guard down. I’d made a few enemies that would like nothing better than to take me out. But tonight I just did not give a shit.

 

I had a high tolerance for alcohol and it took plenty of drinks to make me comfortably numb. I was camping out in a back booth and was resting my head on my hand nursing a shot of truly vile whisky. Last call came around and I laid some money on the table and staggered out of the bar. I’d left my car at the apartment since the bar was only five or six blocks from my place.

 

I pulled my jacket tighter around my body as a chill wind made me shiver. It was starting to drizzle and I decided to take a shortcut. The alley in front of me would cut my walk back in half.

 

The way was dark and littered with trash. Dumpsters filled with the refuse of the bars added to the general reek of the narrow space. The food I’d had earlier began to churn in my stomach and I regretted the greasy hamburger and fries now warring with cheap alcohol. It wasn’t long before a hot wash of bile rose up my throat and I doubled over a trashcan to heave noisily. I’d drunk way too much and was now paying the price. Surge after surge had my guts cramping painfully. I swore then and there that I’d never drink again.

 

Finally my spasms had eased and pale and sweating I leaned my head against the damp bricks of one of the buildings lining the alley. The coolness felt good against my hot forehead and I tried to will myself to straighten up. Another wave of nausea had me praying that I was not going for round two with my head buried in a foul smelling trashcan. Deep breaths seemed to help and I was able to stand.

 

It was a total shock when I heard a familiar and mocking laugh. A second later, hot searing pain lanced through both of my shoulders.

 

I could not bite back an agonizing cry and my legs nearly buckled as I tried to push away from the wall. I was pinned…fuck! My vision swam and I could feel the sluggish trails my blood made under my jacket as it seeped from the wounds in my shoulders.

 

I recognized that cruel snicker. Akabane had gotten the drop on me and it was not going to be pretty. His knives had penetrated my skin and embedded themselves in the brick. I couldn’t pull away and I couldn’t defend myself. Shit! I winced as a pale hand threaded through my hair. Then, my head was pulled back sharply.

 

“Well, well. Ban Midou. How far we have fallen?" His low, silky voice oozed over me like black grease. "Drunk and vomiting in an alley in the worst part of town. Why, anyone could just come along and do just about anything to you. How careless.”

 

“Fuck you! Get the hell away from me you sick bastard!” I could feel him pressed against me and wanted to crawl right out of my skin.

 

“My, my, such bad manners. Didn’t your mother ever teach you better?" His breath was warm on my neck and his mocking voice was pissing me off. "It probably would have been a wasted effort anyway.”

 

“What the hell do you want, Akabane? If you’re going to kill me just get it over with or stop wasting my time.” Bravado on my part but I was tensing up to pull free from the wall no matter how badly it was going to hurt. I wanted to kill the fucker. His excitement at my helplessness was making me sick. He was slowly grinding himself against my ass, sexually excited over my helplessness.

 

“What do I want? Why, to see you in pain. To see you squirm. And to see if it is really true.”

 

I bit my lip bloody to keep from screaming as another of his damned knives sunk into my thigh right above my knee. As the fourth blade pierced my other leg, black spots danced before my eyes and my breathing was reduced to harsh gasps. His arm around my waist was the only thing keeping me from sagging. This would have further torn my already bleeding injuries and made the possibility of staying conscious a remote one.

 

“What the fuck does that mean?” I rasped through gritted teeth.

 

“I wanted to see if you’d really abandoned your partner, the delectable Ginji Amano. You see Ban-chan, while fighting you to the death might be quite stimulating, I’d prefer to torment your partner instead. I can see him now in chains, kneeling at my feet." Hearing this black haired freak call me Ban-chan made me sick. Only Ginji was allowed to call me that. "I think it would be great fun to break him and have him call me master. He’s already afraid of me and that terror is quite intoxicating.”

 

When he talked about turning his vile perversions on my trusting and gullible partner I lost it. “Bastard! Don’t you dare touch him! I’ll fucking kill you!”

 

Heedless of the pain I started to chant the spell that would give me access to my extraordinary strength. It didn’t matter what happened to me as long as I took him with me.

 

My plea was cut off as the hand in my hair tightened and slammed my forehead against the brick wall. I couldn’t think and my concentration was shattered. Akabane knew what he was doing when he rendered my arms nearly useless and had taken me by surprise from behind. If I hadn’t been fucked up on whisky and heaving my guts all over the alley he never would have gotten the drop on me.

 

“Oh no...we can’t have you doing that. Just stand still and be a good boy as I tell you exactly what I plan to do to the partner you abandoned.” His breath was hot in my ear as Akabane whispered all the perverted things he was going to do to Ginji.

 

It was all my fault. I had to warn Shido. I had to stop him… had to stop… I grew dizzier as I was pushed hard into the wall. Akabane’s breathing sped up as he described in great detail how Ginji would suffer. His hips ground into my ass and I did scream this time as he bit me on the neck. Instinctively I’d tried to pull away and that forced the glowing red knives deeper into my shoulders. Fuck! I hated being so damned weak and unable to do a thing to stop him.

 

“Don’t touch him, you hear me? I’ll hunt you down and rip you into pieces. Ginji is mine!”

 

Akabane’s hand slid down until it rested on the back of my neck and it tightened painfully. I couldn’t breathe and knew that he meant to kill me. I had to do something! Anything!

 

I actually managed to rip one arm free and lashed out blindly. It hurt so fucking bad but that was nothing compared to what I deserved for leaving Ginji vulnerable to this asshole. He’d find a way to get to Ginji despite having such skilled watchdogs as Shido, Juubei and Kazuki. They’d worked with Akabane but did not truly understand what he was capable of doing to my partner.

 

He grabbed and twisted up painfully behind my back. “Yes fight me. It only makes me more excited. You want to kill me don’t you? I can almost taste your rage.” Akabane licked the side of my neck and I shuddered in revulsion.

 

There was a roaring in my ears and my vision swam. I was going to pass out and the odds of my waking up were slim to none. Every pained groan of mine was answered by a pleasurable one from my attacker. Akabane’s movements stilled and he pressed against me hard. I knew the sick fucker had totally just gotten off and I thanked god that he had not taken it even further. But from what he had whispered in my ear...he was saving it for Ginji. I had totally failed. I was a worthless waste of skin and deserved to die. As darkness descended, Akabane kissed me almost tenderly on cheek. He said goodbye and laughed mockingly. Then he let me go. I sagged against my restraints and felt muscle and skin tear.

 

The world grew dim as I finally succumbed to the pain and tumbled into the abyss.


	3. Chapter 3

“Mr. Midou?" An insistent voice buzzed in my ears and I wanted nothing more than to fall back asleep. "Mr. Midou, can you hear me?”

 

My eyes shot open when something poked me painfully in the shoulder. What the fuck? I blinked fuzzily up at the ceiling as the bright light hurt my eyes. Where was I? What the hell had happened? With a great deal of pain, I turned my head and blinked at the white clad figure that was causing the fierce ache radiating down my arm.

 

“Wha…” I began but it was difficult to force the words out past my dry throat.

 

“Here this might help.” A straw was placed against my lips and I drank the cool water greedily. “Now, can you tell us what happened?”

 

“Who are you? Why am I here?” I had figured out that I was flat on my back in a hospital but the details were still pretty hazy.

 

“My name is Dr. Ishikawa. As to why you are here in the emergency ward of the hospital, we were hoping you could tell us that. You were brought in by ambulance yesterday evening. Apparently the police found you injured, bleeding and passed out in an alley. In fact they are waiting to take your statement.” His loud voice didn’t do anything to soothe my pounding head.

 

I thought for a moment, and the details of what had happened returned with sharp clarity. Fuck! Akabane had gotten the drop on me and was now after Ginji. I had to get out of here! I also had to make up a story to appease the cops.

 

“I guess I was mugged. I never saw the guys that got me. I was attacked from behind." I closed my eyes again to try and stop the room from spinning. "Taking that alley when I left the bar had been a bad idea I suppose.”

 

“Well, whoever attacked you knifed you pretty good. You sustained moderate wounds to your shoulders and lower thighs. Also some considerable tearing of the muscle tissue and a fair amount of blood loss. It was a good thing the officers had found you when they did. In addition to all that was a concussion and the likely hood of you becoming ill from exposure is high. We disinfected and stitched your injuries so rest is really the only thing you need right now.” I was poked and prodded some more as the doctor spoke.

 

Well at least I was still alive, but as the doctor recounted my injuries, it reminded me why I had to get out of here now. I had to get back to Ginji. I had already wasted too much time. I tried to sit up and felt a pulling sensation on the back of my left hand. I was hooked up to a couple of IV’s.

 

“Now, now, Mr. Midou. You have to stay put I’m afraid. You are hooked up to a fairly potent batch of antibiotics and fluids to re-hydrate your body. If you show a marked improvement we can talk about your release the day after tomorrow.” I was pushed back onto the bed.

 

“I have to leave. You don’t understand. Let me up.” I tried to sit up again and saw a nurse out of the corner of my eye ready a syringe. Before I could struggle too much, the needle pierced the shunt in the IV tube and a warm lethargy flowed into my body. I attempted to push the restraining hands away but the pain from the knife wounds made me dizzy. My strength ebbed as the pain killer laced sedative worked its magic. I fell back asleep cursing myself as a weak fool.

 

Once again I woke to someone fussing around me. I swam back to consciousness and blinked at the dim light in the room. This was getting old fast. I looked around and a pretty little nurse was cleaning up a tray of soiled bandages on the bedside table. She had obviously been changing the dressings on my injuries. I squinted at her and she smiled.

 

“Back with us again, Mr. Midou? I imagine you are pretty thirsty. Here you go.” A straw was placed against my lips and I drank until the cottony feeling in my mouth was gone. “How are you feeling?” she asked perkily. How can anyone be that cheerful?

 

“I feel like shit.” That’s me, straight to the point. Actually, my headache was down to a tolerable throb instead of a jackhammer to the brain. “What time is it? How long was I out?” I hated losing track like this and I swear if they tried to drug me again I was going to hurt someone.

 

“It is a little after six in the morning. You were out the rest of the afternoon and all night. Are you hungry? I’m supposed to see that you eat something.”

 

It really was not her fault I was in a foul mood so I was careful not to go ballistic. I had to get out of here and make sure Ginji was all right. I had to keep that bastard away from him. I was an idiot to have left. Even if Ginji only thought of me as a friend I had to be there to protect the gullible idiot.

 

I forced out a smile. “I could use a bite to eat. Could you please bring me something?”

 

She blushed as I turned on the Midou charm. I thanked her for taking such good care of me and smiled again. She giggled and I had to keep from rolling my eyes. Finally she left with a chirped goodbye and promised to return with breakfast.

 

Now I could get the hell out of here.

 

I gave the nurse a few seconds to get down the hall and threw back the blanket that covered me. I spent the next few minutes cursing as that action sent aching pains shooting through my upper arms. I really didn’t want to see the mess Akabane’s knives had made of my body. It was not the initial puncture that had caused all the damage but the forceful removal of the blades when I fell. If my arms hurt this bad I was not looking forward to walking.

 

It hurt every bit as much as I’d thought when I climbed out of bed and my knees buckled. I grabbed onto the edge of the table and grit my teeth. When the pain became tolerable I took a tentative step. Something pulled at my hand and I looked down in annoyance. The damned IV was still attached.

 

I didn’t even wince as I pulled the medical tape that held it in place. A thin bead of blood rolled down my hand as I dropped the needle onto the sheets. Limping to the small wardrobe was no picnic and I cursed more when I opened the door. My clothes were not there. Of course they had probably been cut off me and stained with blood ruining the garments. I was grateful though to see my wallet and shoes lying on the shelf. A quick glance inside showed that all my money was still there. At least Akabane was not a petty thief on top of a sadistic murderer.

 

I needed clothes because I could already feel a draft from the poorly tied hospital gown. At least they’d left me my underwear. I cautiously opened the door and peeked out. The staff really couldn’t stop me from leaving but I didn’t want to waste time with all the questions and paper work that would follow if I were to ask to be released. I had to get to Ginji. If Akabane got to him before I did I swore there would not be enough left of the fedora wearing freak to be identified.

 

I made my way down the hallway like several other patients that were walking the corridor. I managed to find a supply closet and ducked inside. I was breathing heavily from the short walk and my injuries hurt like hell so I grabbed a set of scrubs and awkwardly pulled them on. I’d tucked my shoes under my arm after finding them in the wardrobe and managed to slip my feet in. I left them untied because at this point I was too dizzy to bend down and fool with the laces. I had to get to the elevator and then outside. It was a task that was looking harder to accomplish.

 

I would not abandon Ginji to Shido’s bumbling attempts to protect him. That was the thought that gave me the second wind I needed to limp out of the closet and to the elevators. I swore if anyone tried to stop me they’d get a taste of my Jagon.

 

For once luck was with me because I didn’t encounter anyone who tried to hinder me. I took a deep breath once I got outside and sagged against one of the decorative planters that flanked the doorway. I rested for a few minutes then walked to the curb. I was lucky again when it proved relatively easy to hail a cab.

 

With a hiss of pain I got into the back seat and gave the driver the address to my apartment. Then I lay my head back against the seat and willed the ache in my skull and limbs to subside. I must have dozed off because it took several tries for the cabbie to get my attention. He had pulled up to my apartment building and I hadn’t even noticed. Some help I’d be to Ginji when I got to him. But I had to try. I tipped the guy really well which was unusual for me but, he deserved it. The ride had been smooth and he hadn’t filled the silence with idle chatter.

 

I used the railing to drag myself up the steps and almost yelled in frustration when I realized I did not have my keys. Fuck it! I grabbed the knob and gave it a vicious twist. The metal groaned and the whole plate ripped off the door.

 

The pain sent me to my knees and I felt like an idiot. That was a switch. Usually I was the cool one and Ginji the over reacting fool. My laughter had a hysterical edge as I staggered into my apartment. The bed looked so damned inviting as I threw my meager belongings into a duffle bag. I did not give in to the temptation as I grabbed my stuff and limped back down to my car. The spare key I kept in a small magnetic box underneath was a bitch to get to but I managed. I got in the front seat and started the motor.

 

I was shaking and in a lot of pain but I had to Get Back the person I never should have left in the first place.

 

I gripped the wheel tightly as I drove east toward the person I hoped was still safe. The glare from the rising sun was like a spike to my aching head. I reached into the glove box and grabbed a pair of sunglasses, sighing in relief as the world around me dimmed. Driving gave me something I could focus on and I stubbornly ignored my injuries as they ached and burned. Several times I had to pull over as the road blurred and my head throbbed. Still, I would wait until the dizzy spell passed and then I was back on the highway. I’d popped a handful of aspirin and that helped just enough to take the edge off.

 

By the time I got into the city, I was on the verge of collapsing. To stay alert, my grim imagination conjured up images of what I’d do to Akabane when I caught him. It was these thoughts that kept me going. I drove all the way through the city to the hills beyond and the estate where Madoka lived with her beast master. Also the place I hoped Ginji still lived. If he’d gone back to the limitless fortress I’d curse myself for being an even bigger fool for having left him. He’d be safer from Akabane in his old stomping grounds but he would not be safe from himself and the cruel being that lurked inside.

 

The thought that he might go back there had not even occurred to me before now. Realizing that it was a very real possibility had me even more scared then before… the great Ban Midou scared.

 

If Ginji was gone, what in the hell would I live for? More retrieval jobs? More bodyguard duties? Without my partner, life proved to be a dim and dull prospect. I needed Ginji’s smiling face and boyish exuberance like a flower needed the sun. I must have been delirious to have become so poetic, but it was true.

 

I nearly hit a tree as I skidded to a stop in the driveway. I did not give a shit as long as I found what I was looking for.

 

I nearly fell out of the car as the trip had made my legs stiff and unresponsive, so I grabbed onto the doorjamb and levered myself to my feet. I barely made it to the front door of the mansion. I leaned heavily on the frame as I turned the knob and to my surprise, the door was jerked out of my hand. I nearly fell against the solid wall of warm flesh that blocked my path. My collar was grabbed and I was hauled off my feet. An angry face stared into mine and feral eyes blazed with hate.

 

“Well… well… look what the cat dragged in.”

 

Fuck! Why did Shido have to be the one to answer the door? He looked like he wanted to kill me. His damned birds must have warned him I was coming.

 

My vision dissolved into sparkly stars as I was dragged inside and slammed against the wall. I felt something in my shoulder tear and bigger spots danced in front of my eyes.

 

Just before I passed out, I heard a small timid voice whisper, “B…Ban-chan?”


	4. Chapter 4

I swam back to consciousness blearily aware of an argument happening somewhere over my head. I decided to lay here and quietly bleed to death. It was the least that I deserved after running off and leaving Gin with the insane beast master that had answered the door. Ok so maybe I wasn’t going to bleed to death just yet but my shoulder fucking hurt and I really wanted to take some of those lovely pain pills I’d lifted from my bedside table when I discharged myself from the hospital. I frowned in discomfort as the loud voices continued to bicker.

 

“Shiiiido! You hurt Ban! Look there’s blood on the wall! What if you killed him? He’s not moving! We need to get someone to help!” I recognized Ginji in full panic mode. He’d most likely be flailing his arms as he ranted.

 

“I didn’t touch the jerk! I just wanted to talk to him. Ok so I might have slammed him against the wall a little. But if the pansy ass snake lover can’t take it then he never should have come back!” Damn Shido…If I could get up I’d shove his head through the wall.

 

“Baaaaaaan! Wake up! Don’t be dead!” I nearly passed out again as I was roughly shaken by my hysterical partner. Ok enough was enough.

 

“Ginji…stop! I really don’t want to puke all over you. God I feel like shit.” All that shaking was making my head swim and my stomach do flip flops. I squinted as I looked into Gin’s face.

 

I let out an undignified squawk as I was suddenly hugged way too tightly and dragged forward.

 

“Baaaaaaaan you’re alive!” Then I was shaken some more. I replied the only way I could at the moment. I puked all over the blond intent on shaking me to pieces. To add insult to injury I was dropped to fall backwards against the wall.

 

“Well that was attractive. Couldn’t you have crawled outside to do that Midou? What a mess. Madoka is going to kill me.” The shaggy haired bane of my existence made a disgusted noise and prodded me with the toe of his boot.

 

Why couldn’t I have puked on him? Granted it was not very much since I had barely eaten for two days but I was fairly upset with my lack of self control. I decided the floor was a safe place to be as I lay propped against the wall of the hallway.

 

“Asshole.” I muttered and cracked my eyes open a slit. It figures I’d lost my sunglasses when I was slammed against the wall. I wished I could retaliate at this point but what I really wanted to do was crawl into a bed and not leave it until the room stopped spinning.

 

I guess I’m lucky that Shido did not throw me out into the front yard. As I watched Ginji and the beast master had a frantic but hushed conversation. There was a lot of negative head shaking on Shido’s part until Ginji turned the dejected puppy look on him in full force. I had yet to meet someone that could resist that.

 

“Fine! Get him upstairs and cleaned up. I’ll take care of this mess and I don’t want to see his ugly face got it?” Shido glared at me and despite the pounding in my head I returned the fierce look.

 

“Thank you Shido!” Then I watched Ginji hug the spiky haired freak enthusiastically. I felt a surge of jealousy that someone I barely tolerated was touching something that belonged to me.

 

After what I considerate too long to be appropriate Shido patted Gin on the back and smirked at me over the blond’s shoulder. That ass! He knew I was jealous! Then Shido disengaged himself and walked away down the hall. Ginji turned back to me and I held up one hand.

 

“Gin take it easy on me ok? I’m kinda not feeling too well.” From the look of us it seemed like we both now needed a bath. “Just get me upstairs I feel like hell.”

 

Ginji leaned over me and helped me to my feet. I cursed as the floor tried to reach up and slap me in the face. It’s easy to forget sometimes how strong Ginji is. He had a firm hold around my waist and kept me on my feet as my legs buckled. That little forceful meeting with the wall earlier rattled my already concussed head. It still amazed me that I was able to drive here at all. I tried to walk and Gin knew that I would not tolerate being carried…I’d have to be dead first.

 

“Ban-chan what happened to you? Was it a car accident? Did someone beat you up?” His amber hued eyes bore into mine and I looked away.

 

He really didn’t need to know that Akabane wanted him for a pet and had molested me to drive that point home. I concentrated instead on putting one foot in front of the other as we walked up the stairs. I have to admit these were pretty fancy digs for a blind violin player. Shido had certainly fallen in the cream this time.

 

“Later Gin I just want to get cleaned up and lie down.” I took the opportunity to relish this closeness. I’d really missed Ginji and even if he only wanted to go back to being friends and business partners at least I’d get to be near him. Shido would laugh his ass off if he knew how mushy I was being. The great untouchable Ban Midou in love with his goofy blond partner.

 

Ginji opened the door to a rather impressive bedroom and then to an attached bath. This room had a shower and large tub. The bathroom alone was as big as the last dive we’d shared before poverty once more forced us on the streets. I could see signs of Ginji’s presence all around the room. A manga left dog eared and open on the edge of the tub. A tube of toothpaste open and dribbling onto the marble counter top. His preferred brands of shampoo, soap and shaving cream lined up in the shower caddy. A wet towel hung crookedly on the bar and clothes lay on the floor next to the hamper. Seeing all this made me feel like I was home. It was comforting in a way that made me realize how much I’d missed him. Damn it I was getting all sentimental again…must be the concussion.

 

“Sit here and I’ll run a bath. Are you sure you’re all right?” Ginji lowered me onto a shirt draped wooden chair and I watched as he went to the tub and turned on the taps. He adjusted the temperature and turned back to me.

 

“Yeah Ginji I’ll be all right I just need some sleep.” I slumped in the chair and watched a worried frown flit across his features.

 

I was hanging on to consciousness with both hands. I was exhausted, hurting and ashamed of myself. I had trouble looking into Ginji’s guiless face without feeling totally disgusted by the way I’d treated him. I deserved his ire…not the concerned pampering I was getting. It amazed me that he was not pissed off that I’d left him alone in that hotel room. Granted he had not been by himself for long. I’d made sure of that. I thought Ginji could not take care of himself. It seems that the person who had trouble staying safe had been me. But better I get the abuse from that sick fuck Akabane than my partner. I looked up when Ginji’s soft voice got my attention. Damn it had totally zoned out. I was useless to him like this.

 

“Ban your bath is ready do you need me to help you in?” Yup my guilty conscious was screaming at me that I did not deserve his kindness.

 

“I can do it. I’ll soak a bit then be right out ok?” wearily I toed off my shoes and levered myself to a standing position. I hissed as that action pulled at the sore muscles in my shoulders. I really did not want him to see the damage done to me.

 

“Ban I want to help. You’re sick and exhausted. I want to take care of you the way you took care of me when I was sick.” He reached out to me and a wave of shame engulfed me. Yeah I took care of Ginji real well didn’t I? I fucking turned coward and abandoned him.

 

I staggered backward and nearly fell over the chair. Only a frantic grab kept me on my feet. I needed to be alone to get my head together. To think of a way to apologize for the way I treated him. I would not break down in front of him. I had to salvage the last shreds of my dignity or I’d turn into a clinging, whining mess.

 

“Just go. I’ll be out in a little while. I need to be alone.” Despite how I wanted to sound my plea came out as a pathetic whine.

 

“But Ban just let me help. I don’t want to leave.” He tried to touch me again and I lost it. It was too much for my bruised psyche to handle.

 

Always in the past I had retreated from feeling anything too strongly. From appearing vulnerable and perceived as weak. What I felt for Ginji was scaring the crap out of me. Even though I wanted desperately to tell him how I felt and cling tightly to Ginji old habits died hard. The instinct to retreat and lick my own wounds took over and I slapped his outstretched hand away.

 

“I said get out! Damn it Gin just leave me alone for a while. Quit being a pest!” I knew I’d made a huge mistake when his face crumpled and his eyes filled with sorrow.

 

“I… I’m sorry Ban. I’ll stop bothering you. It’s no wonder you left me. I’m always getting on your nerves.” His voice was laced with self loathing and unshed tears.

 

I just stood there as he turned away and left the bathroom. God I am an utter shit. I can’t believe I pushed him away. I considered flinging myself from the window but knowing my luck I wouldn’t manage to break my neck when I hit the driveway. Angrily I tore off the rest of my clothing and considered the searing pain as stitches pulled to be barely sufficient penance for treating Ginji so shabbily. I peeled the gauze and tape from my wounds and dropped the mess into the trash can. They looked red and enflamed and I cringed at the thought of them becoming infected. I could dump some antiseptic on them after I got out of the tub.

 

I cursed as the hot water stung like a son of a bitch as I lowered myself into the marble basin. After a tense few moments my muscles started to unknot and I lay back against the sloped edge and sighed. I closed my eyes and tried to think of a way to repair the relationship between Ginji and I that I had tried so hard to fuck up. It had been one bitch of a day and after carefully washing myself with a bar of spicy scented soap I closed my eyes and drifted away.


	5. Chapter 5

I was back in that stinking alleyway. This time instead of Akabane getting his rocks off by tormenting me he had someone else with him that made my blood run cold. I was pinned again to the rough bricks and now I was facing the narrow dark space. Outlined in what little light seeped through was that trench coat wearing freak. Wrapped around his fist was a gleaming silver chain and attached to the other end was my partner. Ginji was wearing nothing but a heavy leather collar. His body was covered in welts and bruises as he knelt hunched on the cracked pavement. Ginji’s soft brown eyes were wide with pain and he looked at me accusingly.

 

“Why did you leave me Ban-chan? Why? He… he hurt me.” Ginji’s broken and stuttering voice ripped me to shreds far worse than the knives pinning me to the wall.

 

I struggled wildly as Akabane slowly approached dragging Ginji along like a whipped dog. He stopped right in front of me and smiled mockingly.

 

“Yes Midou why don’t you tell your little friend why you left him in my tender care.” The sick fuck reached out his hand to touch my face and I recoiled violently.

 

Guilt and remorse froze my tongue and I could do nothing but look at the ravaged body of my partner.

 

“I wanted to thank you for such a lovely gift. He proved to be quite the stimulating plaything. Would you like to watch as I make him scream?” His voice was a soft hiss as he brought his face close to mine.

 

He was too close. I could feel his breath against my neck and I could hear Ginji’s broken crying. It was all my fault. The gloved hand wrapped around my throat and began to squeeze.

 

“Then again perhaps I should just kill you now so the last thing you’ll ever see is your precious Ginji’s battered face.” The grip tightened.

 

“S…stop! No! Please.” I choked out as I began to fight and struggle. I could feel his hands on me and I began to fight in earnest.

 

Nothing registered but the need to get free. To get away from the insane man that tormented me. I had to save Ginji…I had to. One of my fists hit flesh and a pained yelp registered before I slid forward and water closed over my head.

 

 

 

Suddenly liquid filled my nose and mouth. It stung my eyes as I thrashed. Coughing and hacking I struggled as arms lifted me upward. I was still somewhat trapped in the nightmare and Akabane was looming closely. My muscles screamed with pain and all the good the soak in a hot tub was undone as tried to make sense out of what was going on.

 

I had soapy water in my sinuses and my eyes were streaming as I hacked up some more of the bath water. The dream had seemed so real and I’d had trouble shaking it off. The two pain pills I’d taken right before I’d gotten in had probably not been the best of ideas.

 

“Ban! Stop! Ow! Quit fighting me!” Barely penetrated my consciousness.

 

The bath…I’d been in the bath. I must have fallen asleep. What a hell of a way to wake up. I blinked at the stinging soapy water and gripped the edge of the tub. A hand reached out to rub my back and I shied away. The dream was still too close for me to bear a casual touch.

 

“Ban-chan are you all right?” Ginji asked rather timidly.

 

“What happened?” I managed to croak out between ragged coughs.

 

“I heard you yelling and came into the bathroom. Ban you were having a nightmare and I tried to wake you up. I got hit by one of your fists and when I let go you slid under water. I tried to help.” My partner’s distraught tone made me feel like a total loser.

 

I could not even seem to handle my meeting with that sick fuck Akabane without having freaking flashbacks. Some protector I turned out to be. I couldn’t even manage to save myself much less anyone else. God I was so tired and my wounds hurt like hell. So here I was naked, shivering and on the verge of hysteria with my former partner as an audience. My face flushed with shame and I wished I could sink into the floor.

 

“I’m ok Gin. I just dozed off for a few minutes. The pain pills can give a person some very fucked up dreams. Just give me a minute and I’ll get out of the tub.” Yeah like that was going to happen any time soon. I doubted my legs would hold me up. Still I didn’t really want an audience when I managed to crawl out of the bath.

 

Ginji’s finger reached out to lightly trace the bruised and reddened skin around one of the jagged tears in my shoulder. “What happened to you?”

 

Such a simple question but one with a very complicated answer. There was no way I was willingly going to tell him who inflicted the damage.

 

“Look I just ended up on the wrong end of a knife fight. I got jumped in an alley on my way back to my apartment. Can we talk about this later? I’m kind of naked here and the water is getting cold.” I closed my eyes hoping he’d get the message and leave me alone for a bit.

 

“How? I mean you are always so careful. Are there more wounds? How many times were you stabbed Ban-chan? If I’d have been there I could have watched your back. I could have at least…” Ginji was beginning to babble.

 

I let out an exasperated breath. “Look if you’d been there Akabane just would have…”

 

I stopped abruptly. Oh shit I hadn’t meant to say that. If I hadn’t been so muddled from the pain pills I wouldn’t have just blurted it out like that. I risked a glance at Ginji. Usually he curled up into a useless ball at the mention of that freak’s name.

 

“Akabane hurt you?” I watched Ginji’s eyes turn from a warm brown to the purple tinged grey of a stormy sky.

 

Oh fuck! Now I’d done it. He was pissed and unfortunately I was sitting in a tub full of water. My partner’s face hardened and his eyes narrowed. I heard a faint buzz and the hair on my arms stood up. He had to pick now to go all macho and protective. Ok so it made me feel like I meant something to Ginji. But damn I didn’t want to see such bloodlust on his face. I wanted to spare him that. I was the killer not him. Never him.

 

“Ginji stop! I don’t want to get fried! Damn it listen to me!” His fists were clenched and I tried to get out of his way. My body had other ideas. As I levered myself out of the tub my arm buckled and I landed with a splash soaking us both.

 

Ginji blinked in surprise at the sudden shower.

 

The dousing of tepid water seemed to bring Ginji back to his senses. He looked at me apologetically and held his arms out to help. It was humiliating to say the least but I really did not want to sit in here all day. My head was pounding and I needed to be horizontal.

 

I took his hands and grunting a little at the effort he practically picked me up out of the tub. I stood very wobbly on the bath mat as Ginji snagged a large blue towel. He wrapped me up and put his arms around me. I wondered what was going on as he held me tightly. Then I heard muffled sniffling and I knew.

 

“Why did you leave me? I woke up in the hotel room and you were gone. I got scared and tried to get up to look for you but I was too sick. Shido came and made me go with him. He said that you didn’t want me any more. That I was better off without you.” Ginji’s tear filled voice nearly destroyed me.

 

He was asking the questions I had been dreading ever since I decided to come back. I was going to kill that asshole beast master for telling Ginji so bluntly that I had left for his own good.

 

“Ginji I need to lie down and we can talk. I promise.” His arms around me tightened for a moment before letting me go. His watery amber eyes regarded me sadly.

I needed a minute to think. What the hell was I going to tell him? That I was in love with him and had left because he did not seem to need me like that? It all sounded so pathetic and had turned out horribly wrong. I guess I said the wrong thing because he sighed and walked out of the bathroom. I should have hugged him back or something. Shit! I am no good in these types of situations.

 

Carefully I dried off and I grabbed a robe that was hanging on the back of the bathroom door. I was too sore to re-bandage my wounds and all I wanted to do was crawl into bed. Dreading facing Ginji I limped back into the bedroom. I guess I was afraid he’d left because I was glad to see him sitting on the wide window seat gazing out into the backyard. His shoulders slumped and his hand rested on the glass.

 

I carefully maneuvered to the bed and sat down with a relieved groan. Ginji did not even turn his head to look at me. I didn’t know what to say so I just sat there too. After a while the silence started to get to me and I was on the verge of going over there when he finally spoke.

 

“You know there is not a day that goes by that I don’t think about returning there.” Ginji said so softly I could barely catch his words.

 

I knew the place he was talking about. It seemed that the limitless fortress still had a hold on my blond partner. Ginji had changed since his last visit there and it seemed like my little plan to keep him safe had also failed. Removing Ginji from the shadow of the fortress had done nothing but isolate him from all his friends. It had not even lessened the pull he felt to return to his old stomping grounds.

 

“I sometimes think it would be easier if I became him again. I let them all down when I walked away. So many died because I did not want to be the lightning emperor anymore. I did not want to be like that and I was tired of hurting our rivals just to keep my gang safe. I thought that if I left there would be no reason to fight. Everyone wanted a piece of me so I left when you asked me to.” Ginji finally looked at me and the deep rooted pain in his golden eyes shook me to the core.

 

“Why didn’t you go back?” I could hardly speak as guilt threatened to choke off my words.

 

“I didn’t want to as long as you were with me.” Ginji got up and sat down on the bed just out of arms reach. He was looking down at the floor and I could see the tears trickling down his cheeks. I didn’t think I could feel any lower.

 

“Gin…How come…” I just couldn’t finish what I was trying to say. By leaving I had nearly doomed him to a life inside the place that had almost stolen his gentle soul.

 

Ginji looked at me again and I felt a horrible pain in my chest. It was worse than when Akabane had stuck his knives in me. His eyes were swimming and almost unnaturally bright.

“How come I didn’t go to the fortress after you left me? I almost did. Shido caught me leaving one night and said I might as well go because you didn’t care about me anymore. That you were gone for good. I…I got mad at him and told Shido you were coming back. I knew you wouldn’t abandon me. I went back into the house and I waited.” Remorse filled me and I nearly cried as well.

 

The thought of Ginji waiting here for me when I really had no intentions of returning made me realize what an ass I’d been. Not until Akabane threatened to take the blond from me did I feel the need to return. I vowed that Ginji would never find out that Shido was right.

 

“I had to come back. You were in danger and I don’t trust that beast downstairs to take care of you.” I sagged on the bed and blinked. The drugs I’d taken were really knocking me for a loop.

 

“Is that the only reason? What exactly did Akabane want?” Ginji scooted closer and I leaned against him. His warmth in the chilly room felt so damned good.

 

“It doesn’t matter now. I’m here and that bastard is not going to touch you! I’ll kill him if he gets too close.” I snarled and tried not to get angry.

 

“He wants me too. He wants to hurt me. He wants to use me just like some in the limitless fortress did.” Ginji’s voice sounded far away and it freaked me out a bit.

 

I grabbed onto him and shook him. It hurt like a bitch but Ginji was on the verge of going mentally bye bye. “I will not let that happen! Do you hear me?”

 

“Are you just using me too Ban-chan? Why did you come back?” Ginji brushed my hands off of his shoulders.

 

He was not making this easy for me. But it was no less than I deserved for what I’d done. If he wanted me to crawl then I’d crawl damn it!

 

“I came back Gin because I was afraid. I was afraid of losing you. The one thing in my life that I give a damn about.” There I said it. Not all that I was meaning to but I could not force the rest out of my mouth.

 

Ginji looked at me again. Startled and hopeful at the same time. His mood swings were making me dizzy.

 

“You care? But I thought… I mean when you left. Why?” He reached out his hand and tentatively touched my face.

 

Here it was confession time and I knew if I did not tell Ginji the truth he’d turn away from me and I’d lose everything again.


	6. Chapter 6

I also slid my hand up to cup Ginji’s cheek as I looked into his golden eyes. The innocence that drew me to Gin in the first place was still there. Along with new depths of pain and sorrow. It was me that put some of that heartache there and I felt ashamed. Ashamed that I’d been too much of a coward to admit how I felt. Even now my guts froze and the words got stuck in my throat.

 

“Gin…I…I was worried about you. I needed to know that you were all right.” I just couldn’t say it. To admit my feelings was to leave myself open to the real possibility of getting hurt again.

 

Ginji sighed and looked away. His hand dropped back to his lap and he sagged dispiritedly. “Is that the only reason Ban-chan?”

 

“Yes…I mean no…I mean. Gin I’m no good at this. I’m no good for you but I can’t stay away. I can’t lose you to him.” I was making a royal fuck up of this whole conversation.

 

“You never even asked me what I wanted. Everyone sees simple little Ginji and they all try and protect me. I’m tired Ban.” Ginji’s soft voice barely above a whisper sounded so uncharacteristically mature that I wondered how much of that bumbling airhead was all an act.

 

He pulled away and turned his back to me. It was terrible to see Ginji like this. So unlike his usual happy go lucky personality. I realized what it was that I missed so much about my partner. Despite all that had happened to Ginji he still viewed the world with a kind of childlike innocence. He believed in the good to be found in people instead of my oh so jaded attitude. My blond partner actually taught me to embrace life again instead of the bitter existence I’d been living. I was drawn to Ginji like a moth to a bright yellow flame. But the man who sat in front of me now was only a mere shade of his former self. Perhaps it would be easier to show him how I felt.

 

I scooted closer and placed my arms around him. Ginji jumped in surprise at my gesture. He still had his back to me and I could tell he was uncomfortable. It wasn’t often that we touched like this. Oh we’d shared hugs in the past but they were almost always initiated by Ginji and I was the first one to pull away and feign outrage when what I really wanted to do was hold on tighter.

 

“What do you want Gin?” I rested my chin on his shoulder and I could feel the shudder that went through his body when my breath stirred the soft golden hairs on the nape of his neck.

 

Even though touching him was probably a bad idea I was having trouble getting my vision of Akabane’s treatment of Gin out of my head. I needed to feel him and know that this was real. Ginji sighed deeply and shifted. I thought he’d pull away again but after a moment he just sagged backward and curled up into my arms. It hurt like hell to hold him this way but I could deal with the physical pain. What I couldn’t deal with was the ache in my chest and my inability to voice my feelings. It still scared me to death to say the words. Last time I’d told anyone that I cared about them it turned into a disaster that I had yet to recover from.

 

“What do I want? I wanted for you to not have left at all! I needed you Ban! You just walked away as if it meant nothing. Was I wrong? Did you kiss me?” Ginji’s grip on my arm was painfully tight.

 

I sighed and shook my head. He remembered that day in the hotel room. “Yeah I kissed you.”

 

“Why Ban?” He turned his head and looked at me and I was trapped.

 

Such a simple question and the answer had me sweating with anxiety. I couldn’t lie to him. Ginji would never forgive me and I’d never forgive myself.

 

“Like I said Gin I care about you. More than I should. I wanted to kiss you and do a whole lot more. But you said you couldn’t. Hey I understand. Not everyone is into guys, especially fucked up ones like me. I meant what I said though. I won’t leave you again. We can be partners just like the old days.” My heart shriveled in my chest with my falsely cheerful declaration.

 

Ginji stiffened in my arms and crept off my lap. Here it comes…the rejection I’d been dreading. I was caught totally off guard when he shoved me backward hard. I toppled over onto my back and my injuries flared to life and made me pull in a hissing breath.

 

“Ban you idiot!” Ginji yelled and I was stunned.

 

“Tha fuck? What the hell did you shove me for! God dammit that hurt!” I yelled right back.

 

Ginji balled his fists and I wondered if he was going to sock me. I’d let him though because I figured I deserved it.

 

“You just don’t get it do you? I’ve needed you since the moment our eyes met in the limitless fortress. You saved me Ban. But that’s not why I want to be with you. You’re the strongest and most noble man I know. I fell in love with your wit and huge heart. Ban-chan you can act gruff and deny it to your dying breath but I know you. The care you show to others and the compassion are what attracted me. Plus you weren’t afraid of me and you were always there to protect me whether I wanted it or not.” Ginji sat staring at me waiting for a reply.

 

I needed a moment to absorb what he’d told me. “Wait…you love me? Then why did you say you couldn’t when I…”

 

“Baaaaaaaaaaan! I can’t believe how stupid you’re being! I meant that I couldn’t be with you like that when I was sick. I wanted to…I really did but I felt too awful. Then when I woke up you were gone! You ran away! Are you that afraid of being with me?” Oh God…there it was. The huge puppy dog eyes that swam with hurt tears. I had been an idiot.

 

“Ginji yeah I’m afraid. Everything in my life that I ever cared about was taken away from me. I didn’t want to get in too deep then fuck this all up too. But I’m not afraid of you, I never was. I was scared of my feelings. I thought about you every day when I was gone. I couldn’t get you out of my head. Then…Akabane…he. Never mind. I’m here now and I’m not leaving again.” I didn’t want to think about that sick fuck right now. My skin still crawled when I thought of what he did.

 

I just lay back on the bed and closed my eyes. Damn I was tired. Drained and emotionally wrung out. My head was throbbing and every wound felt hot and sore. I’d come to the end of my endurance and had no clue as to what to do next. I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised when I felt Ginji edge closer. His caring heart was big enough for the both of us and I wearily opened my eyes when he wrapped his arms around me. My brave façade crumbled when Ginji carefully lifted me and placed my head in his lap as he leaned against the headboard. His cool stroking fingers on my forehead felt wonderfully soothing.

 

“Ban-chan just what did Akabane do to you?” His softly voiced question caused a knot of fear to ball up in my belly. Not often was I left totally helpless and it was a feeling that I would not soon get over.

 

“Gin can we just drop it?” I really didn’t want to talk about it.

 

My blond partner’s fingers stroked my face and down to my neck and toyed with the open collar of my robe. I hissed when they encountered the purpling bruise from Akabane’s teeth. Ginji pulled the cloth aside and I knew he was staring…shit! I’d forgotten how he’d marked me.

 

“He bit you Ban? What else did he do?” Ginji’s fingers traced the marks and somehow I didn’t want his fingers to touch the marks left by that pervert. As if he would contaminate himself by doing so.

 

“Gin really it’s ok just don’t touch it.” I tried to squirm away but I was held fast. Truthfully I was more comfortable than I had been in days but I couldn’t bear for him to examine too closely the evidence of my attack.

 

“I’m not stupid Ban…I know what used to go on in the limitless fortress. How the defenseless were preyed upon and what was done to them. What did he do to you?” Ginji went back to running his fingers through my hair. I could feel the static electricity crackling in my half dry spikes. I guess I’ll have to get used to having a rather standupish hairstyle again.

I knew Gin would pester me until he knew the whole story and what he was imagining was probably worse than what happened. Still I turned my face into the soft material of his pajamas and gripped his leg. I told Gin about nearly drinking myself into a stupor, stumbling out to the alleyway to puke then getting pinned to the wall. I hadn’t meant to but I also told Ginji about Akabane’s sick pleasure at my pain. I did edit the things that Akabane whispered in my ear as he ground against me. There was no way I ever wanted my partner to find out about that. It was hard to recount what happened and when I got to the part about getting bit I shuddered.

 

“Ban I’m so sorry. He’s fixated on me and used you. I’m so, so, sorry.” I felt raw and exposed and literally crawled up into Ginji’s arms.

 

I buried my face in the crook of his neck and inhaled the fresh smell of his skin. It helped to wash away the taint of Akabane’s touch. I thanked whatever deity that cared to listen that I had gotten back to my partner and Akabane had been denied his prize.

 

“I’ll get over it. Fuck I’m tired. Need to sleep.” My confessions and emotional turmoil had drained me totally.

 

“Sleep Ban-chan. I’ll take care of you.” Ginji whispered as he placed a kiss on the top of my head.

 

I suppose if I’d been coherent and not drugged to the gills I’d have been totally pissed at myself for being do damned clingy. I just didn’t have the strength to fight right now. Myself or anyone else. I’d have to trust Ginji’s promise and let him take care of me for once.

 

Tomorrow would take care of itself. I even managed a smile as Ginji murmured an “I love you Ban-chan.” As he got comfortable against the mound of pillows on the bed. Lying here with Ginji holding me was a novelty that I relished and took a huge amount of comfort in.

 

“Me too Gin, Me too.” Was as close as I could get to saying the actual words. With a heavy sigh my eyes closed and the world went away.


	7. Chapter 7

I was going to fucking kill him! Shido was a walking dead man. Sick and tired of his pranks and sly comments I slammed into the bedroom and stalked to the mirror in the bathroom. Flecked all the way through my hair were bits of mashed potatoes and carrots. Reduced to flinging food like a child Shido had royally pissed me off. He resented my presence here and made no bones about that fact. He was careful to do it away from Madoka and usually out of earshot of Ginji. Shido was convinced I’d hurt or abandon my partner again.

 

In fact when I woke up the next day after Gin and I had our little talk Shido cornered me and read me the riot act. I felt too shitty to protest much and Ginji was downstairs getting us some breakfast. The beast freak threatened that if I ever hurt Ginji the way I had last time he’d take me apart and feed me to his menagerie. I’d yelled back that I loved the blond much to my embarrassment. Shido just smirked at me until I made the comment about him being Madoka’s little lapdog. Then he’d decked me and I fell off the side of the bed. All of my injuries flared to life and I saw stars. Ginji returned as Shido left and when he saw me he immediately helped me into bed and told me not to make Shido mad. That pissed me off and I took it out on Ginji. Reduced to tears he fled the room and I sulked for most of the day feeling like gutter slime.

 

I was glad that Ginji came back at bed time. He still looked at me hurtfully with his golden eyes brimming and I totally caved. I said I was sorry and he slept in my arms that night. One chaste kiss was all he allowed since I was obviously too wrecked to take it any further. The second day I got out of bed, cleaned up and dressed. I was sick of being an invalid and made my careful rounds of the house. Ginji cheerfully kept me company and we avoided Shido all day. Madoka kept him on a pretty short leash as he helped her with some gardening.

 

Ginji still maintained his distance and it was driving me to distraction. Late at night with him curled up against my chest was getting almost unbearable. The scent of his skin and his soft golden hair tickling my cheek all roused desires that so far Ginji did not seem all that interested in.

 

The third day I was feeling much better even though my injuries itched and burned if I overexerted myself. But I wanted to do a little work on my car and toss out all the junk that had accumulated over the last several weeks. Afterward I sat in the shade of the porch as Ginji washed the outside. They day was sunny and unseasonably warm. Gin was dressed in some old cut off jeans and one of my tank tops. The sight of him in those butt skimming shorts made my mouth water. When he got thoroughly wet and the tank top clung to his lithely muscular upper body I had to adjust the hard on in my pants. So of course Shido showed up to comment on the tent I was pitching before I could cover it up.

 

I was seriously considering using my snakebite to crush his smirking face when Gin sprayed the beast master with the hose. Shido growled playfully and an all out water war ensued. They chased each other all over the yard and only when a stray blast of icy water hit me did the playing end. I sat gasping in shock from the impromptu cold shower with my sunglasses knocked askew on my face. Shido dissolved into laughter as Ginji ran up to apologize. We went back to the room I shared and Gin helped me undress and change the bandages. I wanted to touch him so badly that I had to hold in a moan as I watched him peel out of his skin tight shorts. How could he not know the effect he had on me? That innocent aura of his made me think twice every time I contemplated throwing him to the bed and fucking him senseless.

 

Lust was about to override reason though when his perfect ass was almost within touching distance. I reached out when a loud knock at the door had me hastily pulling back my arm. Ginji bounded to the door stark naked and before I could protest he flung it open. Shido stood there dressed in a pair of low slung jeans and a white shirt unbuttoned all the way. My eyes narrowed as he took a long perusing look at my would be lover. Ginji didn’t even notice Shido’s leer as he announced that dinner was ready and Madoka was expecting us all at the table. I really liked the blind violinist and there was no way I’d disappoint her. Least of all by killing her boyfriend even though my hand clenched into a fist and I felt power simmering beneath my skin. Ginji was mine and I got pissed when Shido ogled my property. Yeah, yeah I know that I shouldn’t think of Gin that way but damn it he had so many people wanting to take advantage of him that I felt I had the right.

 

He’d looked for a good long minute while Ginji crossed the room and reached into the dresser to pull out a pair of light blue boxers. I was about to rip Shido’s head off despite my vow to not harm Madoka’s lover. Especially when the beast master looked right at me as Ginji bent over to get dressed. He winked and then left the room. I guess his death wish decided to get over ridden by his sense of self preservation. We both got ready and went downstairs. Dinner had not been much better. Whenever no one was looking the asshole with the spiky black hair had flicked food at me. Finally I’d had enough. Right in mid-sentence I interrupted Madoka as she chatted about her last concert. I slammed my utensils down and in a terse voice thanked her for the meal. Then I left the dining room and stomped upstairs.

 

A shower was the only thing that was going to get the food off the back of my neck and out of my hair. I turned on the taps and stripped as steam filled the room. The water would feel good on my tense neck and shoulders. This was getting ridiculous I needed to find a place for Gin and I before I went on a rampage. I still had some cash socked away and it was more than enough to rent a small apartment. Plus a phone call to Heavn let me know that she was eager to throw some contracts our way. I threatened to walk all together if she hadn’t agreed to reduce her cut to twenty five percent instead of her usual fifty. After we left the first time her business had taken a major hit and the blond had sorely missed some of her usual luxuries. Also a smaller take for her meant she would give us legitimate Get Backers jobs and not the dangerously suicidal ones that had been our past contracts.

 

The sooner we got our own place the sooner I could completely relax and maybe get somewhere with Ginji. I needed to ask Ginji if that was what he wanted to do. For all I knew he was perfectly happy here and didn’t want to leave. Ginji did best with a lot of people around but if I had to stay here for one more week there would be bloodshed. The water was the perfect temperature and I got into the glassed cubical and sighed in bliss as the almost scalding water pounded into my tense muscles. I was well on my way to being mended and I only winced a little as I reached up to slick back my hair. As I washed images of Ginji tormented me. We’d been partners for a long time and I’d seen him almost naked plenty of times. Just the vision of him wet and in those clingy clothes he wore while washing my car was enough to stir my blood. I forced those thoughts away and hastily finished. I’d have stayed in the warm inviting steam longer but I really wanted to talk to Ginji.

 

I towel dried my hair and wrapped another one around my waist. I glanced in the mirror and frowned. The healing scars were still slightly red and puffy. I’d have the reminders of my run in with Akabane for the rest of my life. It almost made me sick to look at them and I thanked God he hadn’t got a hold of Ginji instead. He was untainted by that sick knife wielding freak. I sighed and ran a comb though my hair noticing that it was behaving for once and framing my face instead of standing out in unruly spikes. Ginji’s constant static would make it wildly unmanageable soon enough. I shivered at the temperature change as I walked into the bedroom. I stopped and stared at Ginji as he sat on the bed with his fists clenched in his lap. He looked pissed and I was totally expecting to be the source of his ire. He looked at me and spoke before I had a chance to even open my mouth.

 

“Ban-chan I’m so sorry.”

 

“What?” I was surprised. I never expected an apology first thing.

 

“I know what Shido’s been doing and I hoped he’d quit. He doesn’t like you very much and I did nothing to stop him.” Ginji looked at his feet and refused to meet my eyes.

 

“Gin I can take care of Shido myself. He’s lucky I didn’t deck him for flinging food at me tonight. I wouldn’t do that in front of Madoka. I like her and for some inexplicable reason she loves Shido. So I left the table instead.” I walked over to the bed and sat down behind Ginji and placed my hands on his shoulders. After a moment he leaned back against me.

 

“I decked him Ban.” Ginji whispered.

 

I certainly could not have heard that right. “You hit him? You?” I was delighted and stunned at the same time.

 

Ginji turned to face me. “After you left the room he said some awful things. I got so mad that I punched him right in the jaw. Ban-chan he flew back onto the table and landed in the mashed potatoes. Then Madoka started to yell at him about the things he said too. I left when Shido started whining. Oh Ban he was acting like a kicked dog.”

 

I couldn’t help it I burst out laughing. I leaned into Ginji and chuckled against his shoulder. I couldn’t get the image out of my head of Shido with his metaphorical tail tucked between his legs and doggy ears drooping in submission.

 

“Ban this isn’t funny! I hit Shido and probably hurt him.” Ginji clutched at my shoulders as I tried to get my giggles under control.

 

“Gin the asshole deserved it. You said yourself that he had it coming. Besides it would take more than one hit to hurt him. I bet he is regretting pissing his girlfriend off more than you hitting him.” My nose was still buried against Ginji’s warm neck and I could not help inhaling deeply. He always smelled slightly of citrus from his favorite cologne and of sunshine. Completely addicting and I was not even listening to my partner as he spoke.

 

That is until he poked me sharply in the ribs. “What? Ginji knock it off.”

 

“I asked you what you wanted to do.” Ginji frowned over his shoulder at me.

 

What a loaded question. I knew what I wanted to do right now but I doubt that’s what Gin meant when he asked me. Better to be safer and ask him. “About what?”

 

Ginji sighed in exasperation. It was a sound I usually made at his antics. “I know you’re unhappy here and I asked if you wanted to leave.” He tensed up in my arms and I needed to answer this question carefully.

 

“Yeah Gin I want to leave.” He started to pull away from me and I continued hastily. “I want to leave but I want you to come with me. We can get our own place. I got some money saved up and Heavn said she had some jobs for us. If you’re interested that is.” My stomach was tied up in knots as he said nothing for a moment.

 

“I want to be a Get Backer Ban-chan. I want to help people and I want to do it with you. I miss Paul and Heavn even though she gave us some terrible jobs and took most of the money. I don’t even care if we have to live in your car again. Shido is nice to me and Madoka wants to give me a home but they’re not you.” Ginji turned and hugged me and I could not keep the smile off of my face.

 

“I want that too Gin. More than I ever wanted anything else. I promise that you’ll never have to live in a car again. Heavn and I have a new arrangement. We can leave tomorrow.” My hands wandered up and down Ginji’s back as he sat practically in my lap hugging me.

 

“Why can’t we leave tonight?” His innocent amber eyes blinked up at me.

 

“I have other plans tonight.” I leaned down and nipped the soft skin on the side of his neck. The exact place I’d been nuzzling earlier.

 

“Baaaaaaaaan…stop. We shouldn’t. What if someone comes in?” Ginji whined but I noticed he was not pushing me away.

 

“I don’t care. Let Shido get an eyeful. Besides Madoka probably has him on a very short leash now after what he pulled at dinner.” God he smelled good. I had to have a taste. I licked a wet line up his jaw and sucked on his earlobe.

 

“Unngh…Baaaan…what about... what Akabane did to you. I don’t want to rush you into anything.” Ginji’s hands gripped my shoulders as he leaned back and looked at me. Worry was making him frown and that was one expression I didn’t want to see on his handsome face.

 

“That sick fuck has nothing to do with what we are sharing now. Yes he did some things to me that will take a while to get over. I need your help Gin. I want a memory to erase the one he gave me. I want to look in the mirror and see the scars I have and think that I got them protecting you. I need you Gin.” I was not used touchy feely declarations and felt raw and exposed. I wanted to lose myself in my partner’s arms.

 

I sucked in a breath as Ginji leaned forward and placed his lips on one of the scars on my shoulder. Then he whispered against my skin. “You don’t have to be ashamed Ban-chan. I know you’ll protect me. I want you too.”

 

I watched as a rose flush covered his skin and when he looked back up at me his eyes were bright and filled with trust. I’d wanted Ginji for so long but I was hesitant to just take what was offered. I leaned down and gently brushed my lips against his. Ginji’s eyes drifted shut and his hands threaded through my hair. When I would have ended the brief contact he surprised me by firmly pulling me back down to his parted lips. I groaned first as his tongue brushed mine. Invitation extended I cupped his face in my hands and thoroughly invaded his mouth. Ginji’s fingers tightened and he wriggled in my lap causing a few real interesting reactions. No slouch in the kissing department Ginji eagerly participated. I was surprised since I’d never seen Ginji so much as look at anyone else the whole time we’d been together.

 

My hands slid downward to tangle in his shirt as I fumbled with the buttons. Finally breaking apart we were both gasping for air. Ginji’s lips were shiny with spit and I wanted to devour him whole. He tipped his head back as I followed his jaw line down the tendons in his neck. I needed to claim Ginji and when I sucked hard on his wildly fluttering pulse point he moaned. That aroused little noise sent heat rocketing to my crotch and my hands flattened on his smooth chest when the last button flew off his shirt in my haste to touch skin.

 

My thumbs brushed his nipples and he actually squeaked. I raised my head from his neck and looked at my partner. He was still panting slightly and his hands were gripping my hair almost tight enough to hurt.

 

“Am I going too fast for you Gin? We can slow it down. I can’t help it I want you too badly. I don’t want to scare or hurt you in any way.” I tried to remember but I had no idea just how experienced Ginji was…if at all. My lust fogged brain was having trouble halting the proceedings.

 

Ginji let go of my hair and rested his hands on my hips. I shivered as they slid down my body and wearing nothing but a towel was not helping me keep my cool.

 

“Ban you don’t have to be that careful. You’re not my first.” Ginji laid his head on my chest and I stroked his soft blond hair.

 

“I’m not? I just assumed that…” Now there was a bit of unexpected news.

 

Ginji interrupted. “I had someone a long time ago when I was leader of the Volts. We grew up together. I learned what it was like to love someone that way.”

 

Ginji’s voice had gone all quiet and melancholy.

 

“What happened?” I asked even though I was pretty sure of the answer.

 

“He died. It was during a turf war and I was not there to keep a rival gang called the Dragons from making him their play toy. They hurt him bad and then dumped Takeo on my doorstep. He did not live through the night. I lost it after that and leveled the Dragons base. I really don’t remember that much of what happened. When I came back to my senses none of them were left alive. Then most everyone was afraid of me. I never let anyone get that close again. Until I met you Ban-chan.” Ginji clung to me and I felt overwhelmed by what he’d just told me.

 

“It’s ok Gin we don’t have to do anything tonight. I can just sit and hold you for a while. You’re not to blame for what happened. I’m glad I got you out of that place though. You were not meant to live such a harsh life.” Truthfully I was disappointed that we would not continue what we started but there would be other opportunities.

 

“No Ban…I need you to touch me. You’re not afraid of me and what I can do. Don’t turn me away please. Make love to me Ban-chan…I want you inside of me.” His hands stroked the bare skin of my belly and the heat that was starting to cool blazed under his wandering hands.

 

“Ginji I’ll never turn you away again. I want you too. Feel this?” I took his hand and placed it on the rather conspicuous bulge hidden by my towel. “I need you too, right now.” My eyes crossed as he explored my length with his fingertips. My innocent little partner was not so innocent after all.

 

“Lay back Gin and let me drive.” I grinned as I pushed him over onto his back. He lay there on the rumpled bedcovers looking like a fallen angel.

 

“You always get to drive Ban-chan.” Ginji arched his back slightly and I hungrily watched the shift and play of muscles under his skin. I needed him naked now.

 

I fell on him like a starving man at his last meal. I claimed one fiery kiss before paying homage to his golden torso. My tongue licked wet trails over his soft skin as I took care to trace every inch. Ginji moaned my name breathily as I gently pulled on one distended nipple with my teeth before sucking it into my mouth. He was writhing on the bed by the time I turned my attention to the other one. My hands were busy on the waistband of his khaki shorts and frustrated with the zipper that seemed to be stuck I simply pulled. Off slid the baggy shorts along with his blue boxers.

 

His erection slipped free of the fabric to lay nestled against his belly in a nest of fine gold curls. Peach colored and curved slightly my mouth watered at the sight. Ginji’s bright gold eyes watched me as my hands rested on his hips. I leaned over and took one long, slow lick up the underside of his cock. Relishing the taste I did it again and then moved on. I nipped at his sharply defined hip bones and followed the crease where hip met groin. I parted his legs and ignored Ginji’s protests as I licked his inner thigh.

 

“Baaaan please.” Ginji moaned as I nibbled at that soft skin.

 

I looked up at him and smirked. “Please what Gin?”

 

“Ban I need you…please.” Ginji’s voice sounded so needy that I hadn’t the heart to refuse. There was plenty of time later to make him ask for exactly what he wanted.

 

My fingers sifted through his crisp, springy hair as I took the base of his erection in my hand. I lifted his gorgeous cock and lowered my mouth over the flushed head. A salty tang filled my mouth and Ginji breathed my name as I explored his head with my tongue. His hands once more tangled in my hair as if to hold me in place. It had been a while since I’d sucked cock but judging by Ginji’s squirming I must be doing something right.

 

I bobbed my head and flattened my tongue on the underside of his dick on every up-stroke. He was not as big as my last partner so I slowly went down until his pubic hair tickled my nose. I rose off of him and did it again. Ginji pulled my hair and mewled. One leg was thrown over my shoulder and the other was splayed wide. I took a moment to spit on one finger and lightly stroked the skin between his balls and ass. I lifted my head and nibbled down the side of his shaft and carefully mouthed his soft sac. I sucked one of his balls into my mouth as I gripped his cock and stroked. The saliva wet skin slid easily in my fist as with that distraction I slowly worked one finger into his body.

 

Ginji cried out and bucked in my hand. Fuck he was tight. I was going to have to be extremely careful if I wanted to continue. Releasing his erection I pushed both of his legs open wide and slid a pillow under his ass. I bent my head to where my finger was still buried inside him and flicked my tongue over his opening. I got him good and wet before slowly and carefully working in another finger. Ginji’s one hand gripped the blanket while the other gripped his dick. He slowly stroked himself as I licked and finger fucked him. His reaction made me hard as a rock and my cock twitched at every moan, groan and drawn out Ban-chan that fell from his lips. He was still pretty tight despite my attentions and I was not a small guy. Shido might have us both beat but I was a close second. I’d need something more than spit and pre-come to ease the way. Ginji shivered as I pushed in a third finger and hissed in pain. I stopped and sat up.

 

Gin’s face was red and sweat was shining on his fair skin. He was breathing heavily and grunting a little at the feel of my fingers inside him.

 

“Are you ok Gin?” I twisted my fingers a bit and smiled at the reaction.

 

His hips shot off the bed and he yelled. “Again! Do that again! Ban!”

 

Bingo I’d found the spot that made bottoming so much fun. My fingers scissored inside his quivering hole as I returned my mouth to his leaking cock. Ravenous for his unique taste I sucked and licked him until a sharp tug on my hair got my attention.

 

“Ban…going to come. Stop…I want you inside me.” Ginji moaned as my mouth slipped off his cock with a soft pop.

 

I looked around the room for something we could use to ease the way. “Hang on Gin I need to find something we can use.”

 

My blond partner groaned in disappointment as I got off the bed and hurried as fast as my aroused body would go into the bathroom. I dug around under the sink and finally came up with a jar of Vaseline. Messy but it would do the job, later on I would make sure and buy some proper lube. I didn’t have any condoms on me either but I knew I was clean and Ginji was too. His last hospital stay after that one case we had proved that. Since they had no medical records on him they ran a whole gamut of tests. Good thing his ability does not show up in the kinds of routine tests hospitals do. Plus since he was not fevered at the time he was in full control. Unlike when he was ill when I left him in that hotel room.

 

I uncapped the jar as I went back into the bedroom. The sight of Ginji spread so wantonly on the bed with his hand wrapped around his dick nearly made me come right then. Here in the flesh was the exact vision that had plagued my dreams. The one that made me come in my boxers like a virginal teenager. I crawled back onto the bed and between his spread thighs. Ginji reached out to touch me and I shuddered as his hands explored my cock. My hands rested on his knees and the jar lay on the bed.

 

“Ban-chan I need you so much.” His voice was thick with emotion and I struggled to find mine. I merely nodded and picked up the jar. I scooped a thick fingerful and spread it around his hole. I worked some inside as Ginji raised his hips. His hand on my dick never stopped stroking me as I made sure to prepare him thoroughly. I removed my fingers as Ginji sat up and took the jar out of my hand.

 

“Are you sure you want this?” I had to ask. We had quite a bit of baggage between us and if he’d said no I’d have backed off without hesitation.

 

“Yes Ban-chan. More than I ever wanted anything.” He then took a generous amount of the sticky salve and spread it over me.

 

I was breathing heavily as he rose up on his knees. He straddled my thighs and when he reached back behind him to guide me in I froze. This was not what I was expecting at all. I guess I believed Ginji would take a more passive route with our love making. Excruciatingly slowly my partner lowered himself into my lap. My hands cupped his butt as he slid downward. He gritted his teeth as inch by inch my slick cock disappeared into his clenching body. Fully encased he hung onto me and panted into my ear as his arms wrapped around my torso. Ginji made a pained whimper and I kissed his neck.

 

We stayed like that for a few moments and it was my turn to grit my teeth as my throbbing cock demanded that I move. Ginji experimentally rolled his hips and I saw stars.

 

“Gin…tell me I can move. I need to, God I need to.” I bit at his shoulder and waited for him to tell me it was ok. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt him.

 

“Fuck me Ban.” Ginji hissed into my ear and my hips snapped upward.

 

Oh man those words coming out of his sweet innocent mouth nearly killed me. Ginji rose up on his knees as I gripped his ass hard and filled his accommodating sheath over and over. Lost in the moment we clung to each other as slammed my mouth onto his. I could feel his erection leaving little wet trails on my abdomen with each thrust. Ginji moaned into my mouth as his fingers raked furrows into my back.

 

Each slick movement of my dick into his body sent tremors through both of us. I pulled him tighter to me and thrust upward hard. Ginji threw his head back and yelled. I hit the jackpot and angled my hips to do it again. His throat displayed so temptingly was irresistible. I fastened my lips onto it and bit lightly. Ginji was mine and I wanted to leave a mark for all the world to see.

 

Our world was reduced to the slap of wet skin on wet skin and the sound of our harsh breathing in the stillness of the room. Ginji’s pleas as I fucked him made me realize how much I’d hurt him when I left. He repeated over and over a litany of don’t leave me again Ban please.

 

I looked right into his lust glazed eyes. “I’m not going to leave you again. Ever. You’re mine and I’m yours.” I punctuated each promise with a hard thrust that left him gasping.

 

“Ban…close. I’m so close. Harder…Ban…harder.” Ginji’s fingers dug into my back again as I reached between us and gripped his shaft in my hand and stroked him root to tip and back again.

“Look at me Gin. I want to see your face when you come.” He lifted his face from my neck and did as I asked.

 

Ginji’s lips were parted and he licked his lips as he half lowered his lashes. His face was rosy pink in color and he moaned my name. My hips pounded up into Ginji as my hand stroked him harder. I thumbed his slit and he bit his lip. Ginji stiffened in my arms as his whole body arched. His dick pulsed in my hand and coated both our abdomens in sticky white fluid. Ginji gripped my hips tightly with his thighs as he rode out the throes of his orgasm. The sight of my partner now lover coming apart in my arms was enough to send me over the edge.

 

His spasming passage milked me of every drop as I rocked my hips. Ginji collapsed heavily into my arms as I continued to thrust shallowly into him. I pressed my forehead to his and whispered what I hadn’t the courage to say earlier.

 

“I love you Gin. I love you so much. I was an idiot to have left you.” A bit overwhelmed I buried my face in his sweat dewed neck. I shuddered in his arms as I slowly came down from my orgasmic high.

 

With a huge sigh I lay back against the pillows dragging Ginji with me. We were still connected and I loved the feeling of being buried inside him for a little while longer. Ginji lay on top of me with his head resting on my chest. He kissed my collarbone, chin and then my lips. I flexed inside him and he groaned.

 

“Sore Gin?” I rubbed his back in soothing circles.

 

“A little but I like having you inside me.” Ginji squirmed a bit to get comfortable.

 

We were a sticky, sweaty mess and I hated to see what the Vaseline had done to the fairly expensive bedding. I didn’t really care at the moment because I was more content than I had ever been my whole life. Inevitably I slipped from his body and Ginji settled next to me on the big bed. We lay face to face with our legs entwined and kissed slowly and languidly. We were too spent to do more than some gentle petting but it was utter bliss.

 

“You really love me Ban-chan?” Ginji had not lost his look of beguiling innocence despite what we’d just shared.

 

“Yeah Gin I really do.” Man I could have done with a cigarette but I was too relaxed to move.

 

“We can look for a place of our own tomorrow?” Ginji’s fingers traced patterns on the skin of my chest.

 

“We can leave as soon as you like tomorrow. I want you all to myself.” I caught Gin’s hand and kissed his fingertips making him giggle.

 

“So when we get our own place we can do this again?” Ginji leaned in and nibbled beneath my ear almost making me purr.

 

“Sure Gin as often as you want.” I replied a little breathlessly.

 

“Then I get to be on top?” That wicked little shit…I should have known this conversation was leading up to something.

 

“No fucking way!” I had never bottomed and was not going to start now.

 

“Baaaaaaaaan!!!! Pleeeeeeeeease?” Gah he was begging. Oh no he was gearing up his secret and devastating weapon. In my current vulnerable, sex hazed state of mind I was toast.

 

“Not the chibi eyes! No lip quivering! Ginji no fair! Ahhhhh Stop! Don’t tickle me!” I tried to get away but he was plastered to me like an octopus.

 

“Ban-chan please! I know how, really! I’ve topped before! Pleaaaaase! I’ll be gentle!” Where did he get that burst of energy? I was doomed.

 

“All right! All right! Just stop and settle down. I’m dead tired.” I must be nuts to agree. I guess love does strange things to a person. I have never submitted to anyone before.

 

“Hurrah! Tomorrow night!” Then spent once more Ginji collapsed against me and I wrapped my arms around him. He snuggled in and demanded a goodnight kiss.

 

I happily obliged and wondered what I’d gotten myself into. Life from now on sure would be interesting. We’d faced many obstacles both together and apart and I knew that there were many more in store for us. But with Ginji safe by my side I could face them all.


End file.
